the masterplan of drawingboards
between life and death there lies a fine line
that shimmers and shivers and tempts.
beyond the wilting rose and its falling petals
I see its thorns remain.
in the cold I expose my skin
for Mother nature to cocoon me in her love
and as I bask in the trembling silence
I see my thorns remain.
Dear Frank,
I went to the PostSecret exhibit recently and left a secret on a pink index card that said:
I skipped school today.
My eating disorder is back.
I’ve started cutting again.
On my way home I went to my family’s health care provider to ask for help, but instead of helping me they got frustrated with my inability to communicate what was wrong and told me they couldn’t do anything.
I left numb with dejection and hopelessness. I went home and cut myself. I still don’t know why. But I cleaned myself up and just sat in my room staring outside for a long long time before picking up my PostSecret books and reading through all of them completely. I felt a little less alone.
I have no idea if this is the right email address to send this to or if you will even read it. But I am writing this to say Thank you for showing me that I am not alone in my solitude. Thank you for taking time. Thank you for giving the gift of PostSecret.
Credits to postsecret.blogspot.com
Unless you’ve been through it, you won’t know what it’s like wanting help but not knowing how to say anything. When the only words you know how to say is “I don’t know”, and people get frustrated, angry, and then walk away.
The sky was a pale blue like the lips of a woman dying of hypothermia, and around her, was the layers upon layers of snow.
Each tear she cried froze on her cheeks even as she was cozied in the cocoon of non-existance. It wasn’t as much about death as it was about taking a break from breathing.
The last year had been more than she could ask for, in many ways. And each time she had come close to taking her life, she had been given a thousand reasons not to.
Now as the pink of her cheeks and her fingers turned to grey, then to blue, she found herself whispering words of prayer, for mercy.
One scarred hand to the other, take me.
4 males and 2 females were having dinner at the table next to my family’s. The girls had more makeup on than I’ve seen on getai singers, and the men took long drags on ciggs while the girls applied more lipstick and eyeliner to their masks.
And then one girl said: “Please lor, she always wear outfits that cost $10, $15. My bag alone can buy her entire cupboard lor.”
And the other girl said: “She confirm want something from you one la.”
They were presumably talking about a female friend who had taken interest in one of the males present, but whether the feeling was mutual was another thing altogether.
For most part, I hope the girl doesn’t enter a relationship with this guy. Any guy that does not stand up for the girl he likes when his so-called friends are saying such things, are not worth even a first glance.
And as for the girls, they deserve the pathetic things who claim to be men that they have by their sides, who don’t bother to tell them to shut their trap already. Their Louis Vuitton/ Chanel/ Gucci bags don’t make them more humane apparently. They should go zip themselves up in one.
Butterscotch is tiny, and he takes up very little space. He uses very little air too, so why does he have to die?
He sometimes bites people, but that’s because he’s scared, and only once did he bite so hard there was blood. But that was because the evil doctor squeezed him and forced him to take a picture God, I don’t like to be forced to take pictures too, they make me look like an idiot.
When he was barely a month old, he spilled his water bowl, and I was angry when I came back. Then I laughed at him because he tried to clean up the puddle by dragging the tissue I had given him to make his bed, all over the spilled water. And he looked at me through those innocent eyes, and I knew I’d love him for a long time.
He’s sometimes picky with his food, but we all are. And he really is a very good hamster, with a teachable heart. I know he’s greedy sometimes, especially the time he stuffed so much food into his cheekpouch that it got stuck and he couldn’t take out any of his favourite nuts and the pouch tore. But he’s been better since, really!
He’s had the tumour, for almost a year now, and it become a bothersome burden. The doctor says it hurts him alot and when things gets worse, we should let him sleep.
I asked my friend where do hammies go when they die, and she said heaven. Then I felt a little happier thinking Butterscotch would be someone else’s pet. That he’d still have a nice, cozy home and be handled by warm, loving hands.
So Mr God, if you really want to take him home, could you let me let go slowly. And I hope he’ll be safe in your hands, and he’ll miss me like I’ll miss him.
I chucked my five cents on the counter and he gave me my money’s worth.
The coffee was merely murky water, thin as hell, but all I could afford. Sauntering out the glass doors that were started to look like they were half made of wood, from the muddy fingerprints covering it’s middle, I spit in the cup of a homeless man and he blessed me with a curse.
It was a handsome Sunday, as the dusty air was darkened with impending rain, like the tophat of a gentleman. Tossing my empty paper cup onto the road, I rubbed at the inside of my elbow to get at the dirt as I thought.
“I’m an intelligent man, the world just doesn’t seem to appreciate my talents,” I said to myself, as I fished a wallet the back pocket from a nearby gent. Keeping pace, I flipped it open, took out a note, then closed it and tucked it back where it belonged.
A pretty girl passed me by, in a small red thing, the neckline almost meeting the hemline. With a low whistle, I turned right around to follow her behind.
Like the pious man my father had been, I aimed to do one good deed a day. Just yesterday, I had chosen to water a roadside plant when all I wanted was to make water. See the considerate man I am, and the ladies, they all shrieked, but still they looked with gogling eyes.
At the street corner, I saw dear Mrs Coleby, bent in half over her walking stick, in a pretty flower dress. She should have died six months ago when she got a triple heart bypass. I watched her as she folded up more each day, and I always wondered if she slept sitting up.
She was a cynical old lady, this Coleby, always suspicious of everyone, ignoring the words of the young. Still I took it upon myself to help her. As best as I could, I shouted to her : “Manhole to your right, do watch Mrs Coleby.”
With a snort, she turned her wrinkled face to me and raised her stick at me. “You’ll never get me Skites! I know there ain’t no works…” and stepped right defiantly.
I didn’t stay to witness the commotion. Pushing past the glass doors, I slid the note across the counter. “Give the good man a good cuppa will’ya.”
Sunday: good deed – check.
The white field had a smattering of yellow and they reached my very shoulders.
I remember celebrating my sixth birthday just two weeks before she fell ill. Then the doctors came and went, each one leaving a few bottles of pills, that my dad threw in the garbage the moment they left. “Absolute quacks,” he always said of them. And then a month later, she was dead.
The day she died, I swallowed a piece of bubblegum accidentally in a bet with my brother. I read about my mother’s death in the papers the next day. Her obituary was simple, next to a full-page colour one for a minister’s son. “Departed 13th May 1994. Will be missed dearly” it read.
That day, I went for a long walk behind my house. It was the place my parents had met as children, when they played hide-and-seek amongst the trees with their band of gollywog friends. The place my grandparents had met when the land had been barren and they drew figures on the ground with sticks and rocks. Now, there are daisies.
I hated the place. Why couldn’t there be corn, or barley, or big, bright, bloomin’ sunflowers like the fields in the other villages?
It started drizzling, then it began pouring and lightning lit the sky. In between the flashes of bright, I saw her.
That day, I stole the daisies.
A collective view of Aware Singapore’s recent saga from the takeover to the restoration of the old guards born from the hands of Gillian Tan of the ever-so-funkyMunkysuperstar Pictures, Tania Chew and Pat Law.
The women-
(left to right)
Lois Ng, Maureen Ong, Josie Lau, Charlotte Wong, Jenica Chua, Sally Ang
Just moments into Josie’s presidential speech, the hall erupted in mayhem as Aware members realised that the microphones offstage were off when people sought to raise questions about controversial points.
There were eight placed around the hall, “dummy mikes”, they were later called.
Braema Mathi, ex-CEDAW committee chairperson, tried to tell Josie that the old guards were there for one reason and one reason only, she found that other mikes were off.
She was later even offered a loudhailer from an old guard supporter but when she showed signs of wanting to use it to be heard, guards began approaching her, threatening to remove it.
As old guard supporters shouted for them to be turned on, first Sally, then Josie, called for the security guards present to escort them out.
An even greater uproar ensued as people shook fists, shouted angrily and questioned the call for the ‘manhandling’.
And then just moments later, Sally Ang told an old guard representative: “Shut up and sit down”, and the supporters went made people were overheard saying “how dare she tell anyone to shut up”.
Quickly, Josie apologised, twice, but it was not to be enough for the insulted people belowstage. They called for Sally to apologised, and she eventually barked into the microphone: “Accept my apologies but I hope you all can let the president finish her speech without interrupting.”
Amidst the riled crowd, old guard legal advisor, Siew Kum Hong, and Braema, gestured to remind members to remain calm and non-confrontational.
Minutes later, the microphones were turned on.
An old guard supporter who held the floor later said :”I didn’t expect to come to a grown-up organisation to be told to shut up and sit down. This is definitely not the time to shut up and sit down. It is the time to stand up and be heard.”
However, the microphones were later turned off intermittently, sometimes because “the floor is not yet open”, other times due to faulty PA systems, which allowed yet another avenue for the pack of old guard supporters a point to pick on – poor organisation.
Celebrity Irene Ang shouted:”Did you pay $40 for this kind of service?”, angry that the old guards were repeatedly cut off mid-sentence.
The crowd roared with approval as small groups of people, assumed to be new guard supporters, sat in stoic silence.
Finally, after much time spent in a shouting match, Poonam from the old guard called for the first point of order – that constitution (3) be moved to be voted on first.
It was approved, but not before Josie plead for the members to allow her to finish her speech.
Josie moved on to present the history of Aware.
“No need! What for? Hurry up and move on!” were heard all over the hall, as the majority present told her to begin the vote.
Josie flashed a graph showing how Aware had once only had 283 members but as of 30 April, the organisation had grown to 2,800 members.
“You think its because of you that membership grew? It’s not, it’s because the old guards have earned our respect, trust and loyalty!” shouted an old guard supporter when her turn at the microphone came.
As she tried to present the profiles of the new ( now old ) exco, there were jeers and anger around as they shouted for her to “stop wasting time”.
She was asked to flash through the slides, and she complied.
Just as she ended, Thio Su Mien stepped up to speak.
Introducing herself as the ‘first female law dean’, the hall was filled with shouts for her to stop talking.
The crowd looked like they were about to pounce on her with intent of attacking her, and the guards quickly closed in, worried for her safety.
After saying her piece, she went back to her seat, but her presence had increased the level of tension.
Even as the voting began, the old guard called for their own scrutineers to be permitted, which was met with the usual “let us consult our legal council”, which was done once too many, that the audience began to scoff at the new guard’s behavior – ‘legal tactics’, it was called.
In addition to the scrutineer company – Deloites – employed, representatives of the Boardroom who went around collecting the votes of no confidence were also watched with hawk eyes by an old guard scrutineer.
As the votes were being counted, Aware members wishing to speak into the microphone formed a straight line to wait.
A speaker went to the microphone to voice an observation: “How can I be confident that you will fight for equal women’s rights when you don’t treat us equally? ”
And when the question of why Constance Singam was asked to step out of the room at an exco meeting though she was to be their advisor, Josie said: “I asked Constance Singam to step out because we had to discuss sensitive issues.”
A question, earlier raised by an old guard member, was also rehashed.
“Even if you cannot give us a precise amount, at least give us an estimate of how much you have spent in the one month you have been in office.”
And after much hemming and hawwing, Maureen said: “…a rough estimate would be about 90 thousand,” to which there were shouts of appall at the amount that had been spent on the EGM.
Ms Tay, old guard supporter and volunteer said: “How could they spend that amount? Do you know how long it takes to raise $90,000 anot!”
And when a member of the new guard announced that since the new membership of Aware had brought in $120,000, and therefore the ‘net profit’ would be $30,000, there was even more anger at their audacity.
One man, who introduced himself as a Muslim father with three daughters, said to the crowd when his turn came: “I support the sexuality education programme conducted by Aware.”
To this, as well as many other pro-old guard speakers who spoke with passion and fervour, the hall would burst into deafening applause, cheering and ‘We are aware’ flag waving.
Points in the Constitution were raised disallowing leaders of Aware from spending more than 20k without seeking approval from its members, as there was continued discussio
Several speakers later, Su Mien reappeared and wrestled the sole microphone from an Aware member who has waited in line with tens of others for his turn to speak.
She lifted a book she had been holding, and people started asking “Is she carrying a Bible?”.
Jabbing her finger at the book, which turned out to be <Small Steps, Giant Leaps: A History of AWARE and the Women’s Movement in Singapore>, she said: “I am in this book, on page 73.”
Old guard supporters jumped to their feet, shouting at her to join the queue and wait for her turn.
Opening the book, she shouted at the crowd: “I am very proud you put me in this. Since you put me in this book, I think you should tear it up!”
Su Mien was later told by one of the old guard supporters: “You call yourself the feminist mentor. But I know for sure I don’t want you to be my mentor.”
And for most part of the conference, as the votes were being counted, women, and men who were there to be heard, made themselves heard.
Some came with the introduction “I am very nervous”, while others attacked the actions of the new guards with carefully thought-out arguments. Some spoke with full confidence, a few broke down in tears while speaking about their beliefs.
But the scene was one that saw an audience, more lively than at the Singapore elections, as was quipped by many. The emotions were charged and raw, the passion all real, and the people were there to move – they did.
In Aware, I now have restored faith that all women and minorities will be represented and protected.
Motion to remove new AWARE exco from office and elect new president has been passed. Ms Josie Lau and her exco have stepped down. Former President Dana Lam has been elected President.
THE RESULTS
3(a) The Exco has lost mandate/confidence of the members of the Society because it has not acted or is acting in the best interest of the society.
Number of Votes IN FAVOUR = 1411 Number of Votes AGAINST = 761
3(b) The Exco has lost mandate/confidence of the members of the Society because they do not appreciate or share the values of the society.
Number of Votes IN FAVOUR = 1412 Number of Votes AGAINST = 762
3(c) The Exco has lost mandate/confidence of the members of the Society because they does not have requisite experience of carrying out the society’s work or is otherwise inadequate to further the society’s objectives.
Number of Votes IN FAVOUR = 1419 Number of Votes AGAINST = 755
THE NEWLY ELECTED EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE (ON 2 MAY 2009)
President………………………….Dana Lam
Vice President……………………Chew I-Jin
Honorary Secretary……………..Yap Ching Wi
Assisitant Honorary Secretary….Corinna Lim
Honorary Treasurer……………..Tan Joo Hymn
Assistant Honorary Treasurer…..Lim Seow Yuin
Committee Member……………..Margaret Thomas
Committee Member……………..Hafizah Osman
Committee Member……………..Nancy Griffiths
Committee Member……………..Nicole Tan
Committee Member……………..Joanna D’ Cruz
Committee Member……………..Martha Lee
1. Open letter by Tan Joo Hymn (past president and new Honorary Treasurer): The euphoria and the reality (3 May, 2:49a.m.)
We barely planned for Plan A. Honestly, we rehearsed and went through Plans B to Z, but barely spent time on Plan A. And then we won. Civil society won. It was almost beyond our imagination, especially by such a large margin of 2 to 1. One thousand four hundred votes in favour of Old AWARE!
Perhaps the statement from the National Council of Churches and the apology from Pastor Derek Hong ensured that bus loads did not arrive. With 4 Ministers and 3 Ministers of State speaking out on this issue, the writing was on the wall I suppose.
Amidst the euphoria, one thing troubled me. The men who spoke (the non-supporters of We-Are-Aware). A few were obviously from “their” camp, and a few were unknowns. They talked about such frivolous and irrelevant things, when a long queue of people were waiting patiently to make their point. Their remarks showed that they thought so little of women and women’s issues, trivialising the whole meeting even. Patronising and condescending.
That is why AWARE still has so much work to do.
On the flip side, oh, the women who spoke up. It appeared that many had not spoken in front of an audience, much less one this big. But they spoke with such conviction, such passion. It has been said that some fear public speaking more than death. Well, these women did it, to a crowd of over two thousand. Fueled solely by their sense of justice and conviction.
To paraphrase what Lotte said, we shouted and jeered and clapped because we are passionate, passionate about the issues, passionate about AWARE. Do you see passion in the faces of the new (well, now ex) Exco members?
The energy, the passion, and conviction of every person in that audience. People who left children and elderly at home, who sacrificed time away from work or their precious Saturday. Civil society really won big time today.
So perhaps we have to thank Josie and her gang, and their “Feminist Mentos” after all… They have galvanised previously apathetic people to turn out in force, brought long-time but lapsed members back into AWARE, so many passionate intelligent courageous new members to AWARE and ensured that truly, everybody in Singapore must now be aware of AWARE! And highlighted the potential fault lines in our multi-religious multi-ethnic society.
After the euphoria, we face reality today, and I confess I’m not looking forward to it. The big clean-up that we have to do, after just one month. The damage that some people can wreak in such a short time.
For now, For all women, trust, choice and respect. And sleep.
2. Open letter by Tania Chew: I will NOT sit down & shut up (3 Mar, 3:14a.m.)
I’m privileged to have lived, breathed, whooped and hollered during a landmark piece of Singapore history and I’ve never felt prouder of my country and the people — both men and women from all walks of life — who stood up for the greater good than today. Yes, the AWARE EGM.
- Pride in the people who gave up a whole Saturday to show up and stand in line for ages to get in.
- Pride in those who willingly agreed to be interviewed on video.
- Pride in the passion, intelligence and eloquence in the people who stood up at the EGM and spoke up for what’s right (and I especially remember the Malay Muslim ex-law enforcement father of 3 teenage daughters).
- Pride in the decency that was shown despite the adversity.
- Pride in the media and our lawyers…and so much more.
Hours later I’m still buzzing from the events of the day…some infuriating, some funny…but the one thing that stands out is the solidarity and fervor that I saw in the majority who were fighting to preserve and further the mission and work of AWARE as an inclusive and secular organization.
I went in today hopeful but a little bit nervous, not knowing if it was going to turn into a bloodbath, but I came out of it high on the happiest vibe ever. It was obvious to me that supporters of the old guard knew exactly what they were there for and knew exactly what they wanted to say, backed by a passion that you don’t often see here in SG. And they were FAIR. Unfortunately, I can’t say much about the almost clown-like “speeches” of the new guard supporters, who showed up in bus-loads, didn’t have anything useful to contribute and started leaving after casting their vote.
But I will not dwell on that. Everything’s out in the news and online for the world to see (yes, our manic Twittering made #awaresg a top-trending topic for the day).
This is not a war so I won’t call the majority no-confidence vote a victory. I prefer to see it instead as a milestone marker that will hopefully be the start of much bigger and better things to come for AWARE.
To everyone who recently joined as a member (myself included), don’t let your passion end today because what lies ahead is when it really counts and starts to make a difference. Tell your friends about AWARE, volunteer your time and continue to do what you started doing when you showed up at SUNTEC.
Yes, the old guard has done a great job so far. Imagine how much more we can achieve if we all contribute.
I’d like to end with my fav funny quotes from today’s EGM:
- “Sit down and shut up”
- “I’m on page 73…show your elders some respect”
- “We’ll refer to legal counsel…”
- “I’m a man, don’t harass me”
- “Women are emotional and irrational”
- “I’d like to say to the CONGREGATION…”
- “We’ll help transsexuals according to what’s stated on their IC”
Credits to www.we-are-aware.sg
Recent Comments