Walk, don’t run.

you tell me to wipe my hands

my dirty little paws

and wipe my mouth

and walk, don’t run.

you know me like I don’t know myself

and see danger before I do.

I’ll graduate to that level too

just wait awhile

your little girl will grow up.

dated

In the old I find my faith restored

and some endings being sold.

Under wooden signage of offered deals

the realization lives on.

black & white old school film

To my all kinds of awesome, who I called crying one night.

I wish I learnt to speak before I grew dumb,

to show before I lost my limbs.

To forget my fundamental movements,

before I learnt to pick the knife without fear.

To lose my limbs before I wanted to slice myself, cleanly open.

To convert myself into a mere picture, at the morgue,

into black and white, old school film.

Overheard @ dinner

4 males and 2 females were having dinner at the table next to my family’s. The girls had more makeup on than I’ve seen on getai singers, and the men took long drags on ciggs while the girls applied more lipstick and eyeliner to their masks.

And then one girl said: “Please lor, she always wear outfits that cost $10, $15. My bag alone can buy her entire cupboard lor.”

And the other girl said: “She confirm want something from you one la.”

They were presumably talking about a female friend who had taken interest in one of the males present, but whether the feeling was mutual was another thing altogether.

For most part, I hope the girl doesn’t enter a relationship with this guy. Any guy that does not stand up for the girl he likes when his so-called friends are saying such things, are not worth even a first glance.

And as for the girls, they deserve the pathetic things who claim to be men that they have by their sides, who don’t bother to tell them to shut their trap already. Their Louis Vuitton/ Chanel/ Gucci bags don’t make them more humane apparently. They should go zip themselves up in one.

Not-so-plain Susan Boyle

Like all other cynics, it took me weeks before I got down to watching Susan, and when I did, I was prepared for a woman as her name is – plain Susan. I’d heard her name and seen her name, but part of me believed it could be a William Hung typecase.

In her drab dress, and foofy hair, the joy was all sincere and heartfelt when she jumped a little and covered her mouth, I wanted to scream for her happiness. But now that I have heard her, she has since already changed her image. For all the leopard print heels and brightly coloured cloths she wraps herself in now, I like her much better here, as a nobody.

Still, an amazing voice, a great gift.

Culture Unplugged Video

View this movie at cultureunplugged.com

learning

Today, I realised, as with every day, things I’d overlooked before.

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I realise that through my God, I remain hopeful, of people and of situations. I believe in innocence until proven guilty, and even after, there remains the possibility of change. I believe no problem cannot be solved. And today I learnt, to some I am naive, to others I may even be a fool.

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Everyone needs to know that someone believes in them, and from time to time, esteems need to be boosted and heads need to be put together to move obstacles. I do it for people, and today, I realised I have no one to do it for me.

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I spent the last few nights crying, still believing that daytime would be better. I sleep at 12, wake at 2, fall asleep at 6 and then wake at 9. And today I realise, that if this continues, I’m going to send myself to IMH.

3fromtwenty7

I tore a little shred of me

and handed it to you

in your eyes you saw my remnants

and told me I was selfish.

The chimes that grip your heart

they slide their nails in mine

but because I immortalize a ‘losing deal’

I slide them further in.

something new

so we learn something new everyday

this is what I learnt today:

- when I say I’m not right, my subconscious wants to die

- I am not impassive, and of all my senses, I have heightened the one that senses death

one too many

yet another has gone, and no one knows why

all those questions that strangers have

to earn that dollar from you.

.

you spoke to no one

not enough to stop you anyway.

then we find we’ve lost you

and all we have left are memories

that end with self-disgust

at how little our care was for your wound.

.

come back little one

you didn’t call to us.

we should-have many things

but you didn’t fit into our routine.

.

Now though its a little late

and you apparently won’t wait for us to have time we’ve found,

take us in your embrace this time

and help us be fine.

i’m sorry.

.

Dedicated to one suicide too many. Some knew why you left your job, but no one knew enough about why you left your family. You called to tell them not to worry, and now they cannot anymore. Did you really want them not to worry, did you really believe them too busy for you? Or did you take it all upon yourself, not to disturb their daily routine. I’d lay down my life, it’s no more cheaper than yours, to say that they would rather have lost their jobs, their lunch hour, struggled to pay for a phonebill, a promotion, than lost you.

.

For the comfort you did not give your family before, for believing they were not there for you when you chose not to be there with them. For not giving them a chance now, pray, tell them, somehow, that they were the family you would have chosen, anyway.

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You are one too many already. You don’t teach me a lesson, you force me to burn the pain I would have caused into my forehead.